What do you think of this story so far? : phpMyAnswers

What do you think of this story so far?

demo 21 Dec 2008 04:24pm
The air around him disappeared, and all reality collapsed. The world turned to black and he fell.

He lay there, in an inky fog made of both nothing and everything. On his back, floating like an unborn child in the womb. It was funny how he was able to compare the feeling to being in the womb, when he himself had never been there. No, he was test tube child at it’s finest. Glass sides and artificial nutrients substituted for the warm walls of a mother’s uterus.

Ajax chuckled darkly at his own little cosmic joke. There was no humor in the situation, but he couldn’t help laughing. Perhaps it was a defense his body had thrown up to combat the growing hysteria in the very pit of his stomach. Ajax could feel the anxiety weighing him down like weights in the dark void, but he only kept laughing. Then the full force of his emotions hit him.

His chuckles eased into breathy hiccups as the tears burnt his eyes. It was thought for hell to freeze over before the great and powerful General Ajax would weep. Well, it seemed the flames of the underworld had become ice.

Answers

demo 21 Dec 2008 04:31pm
Absolutely wonderful. In the last paragraph, I would suggest putting "thought that hell might/would freeze over" instead of "thought for hell to freeze over". I might also suggest making the very last sentence a paragraph in and of itself"

It seemed the flames of the underworld had become ice.

That's just my opinion, though. :) Great work and good luck with your endeavor!

demo 21 Dec 2008 04:32pm
Uh... WTF?

I think we need a little more background info.

demo 21 Dec 2008 04:34pm
Amazing. o.o
Really...I'm in love with it. I would be honored if you let me read it when you're done. It sounds like it's going to be an incredible story. I'm jealous. :P

demo 21 Dec 2008 04:35pm
wow awesome plz answer http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20081221160414AA7mDyo&r=w

demo 21 Dec 2008 04:35pm
interesting...
kinda weird. i like some weird but i dunno. wait, no, i think i do like it. the emotions are pretty good.

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